OLDER THAN DIRT

LightningBugs / Older 'n Dirt!!

"Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day, "What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?"

"We didn't have fast food when I was growing up," I informed him. "All the food was slow." "C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?"

"It was a place called 'at home,'" I explained. "Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if you didn't like what she put on your plate you were allowed to sit there until you did like it." By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it:

• Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore jeans, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country (traveled at all) or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.
  
• My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer and most of my friends never had a car. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of colored plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look larger.
  
• I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called "pizza pie." A pie was 75 cents (Large $l.00) When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.
  
• We didn't have a car a car in our immediate family. Before that, the only car in our family was my aunt & uncles Ford. They called it their "mean green machine."
  
• We never had a telephone. The only phone in the house was in a neighbor's apartment and it was on a party line. In an emergency you would ask if you could please use their phone and before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.
  
• Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.
  
• All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at
  
• 4 AM every morning. On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favorite customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.
  
• Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did in French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to see them.
  

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.

Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

MEMORIE S from a friend:

My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to "sprinkle" clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.

How many do you remember?

• Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
  
• Ignition switches on the dashboard.
  
• Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
  
• Real ice boxes.
  
• Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
  
• Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
  
• Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.
  

Older Than Dirt Quiz:

Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about. Ratings at the bottom.

1. Blackjack chewing gum
   
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
   
3. Candy cigarettes
   
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
   
5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes
   
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
   
7. Party lines
   
8. Newsreels before the movie
   
9. P.F. Flyers
   
10. Butch wax
    
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (CAstle 2-6933) and if you had a party line you would add a letter at the end. CAstle 2-6933J.
    
12. Peashooters
    
13. Howdy Doody
    
14. 45 RPM records
    
15. 78 RPM recorders with a little plastic disc to accommodate 45 RPM records
    
16. Hi-fi's
    
17. Metal ice trays with lever
    
18. Mimeograph paper
    
19. Blue cube flashbulbs
    
20. Packards
    
21. Roller skate keys
    
22. Cork popguns
    
23. Drive-ins
    
24. Studebakers
    
25. Wash tub wringers
    

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!

I might be older than dirt but those memories are the best part of my life.

Microsoft Takes No Prisoners When It Comes To Pirated Software

Just in case you're considering installing illegal software on your PC or building a PC with pirated software, I suggest that you read the following article that I took the liberty of reprinting for this media.

Microsoft Gets Tough On Software Pirates

By Kevin McLaughlin, CMP Channel
12:00 AM EST Mon. Nov. 12, 2007
From the November 12, 2007 issue of VARBusiness

Microsoft (NSDQ:MSFT) continued to smoke out what it considers to be shadowy denizens of its channel, filing lawsuits early this month against 20 software resellers in 13 states for distributing counterfeit or improperly licensed products.

The latest legal salvo is part of Microsoft's ongoing Genuine Software Initiative, which aims to educate consumers and businesses of the many different ways in which they can end up with illegitimate software running on their networks.

Steve Schulte, a partner at Capital Network Solutions, Sacramento, Calif., says Microsoft's antipiracy efforts help stamp out the spread of unscrupulous licensing behavior that makes life difficult for other channel partners.

"We've run into a couple of scenarios in virtual environments where resellers have taken licenses and pushed them onto other servers. Not only is that unethical, it also hurts us when we're going into competitive bids," said Schulte.

Schulte noted that Microsoft is in the process of adopting the antipiracy tactics of Citrix, another Capital Network Solutions partner, which requires its software to be activated on the back end using licensing keys.

Microsoft is aware of the problem with counterfeit licenses, and last month launched the Get Genuine Windows Agreement (GGWA), which allows organizations that have been duped into buying illegitimate versions of Windows XP Professional to obtain volume licensing agreements and avoid liability issues that stem from running illegal software.

GGWAs for small and medium businesses have a five-license minimum and are sold by partners, while GGWA for large businesses are sold through large account resellers or direct from Microsoft, said Cori Hartje, director of Microsoft's Genuine Software Initiative. The GGWA provides broader coverage than the Get Genuine Kit for Windows XP that Microsoft launched in July 2006, Hartje said.

"Many of our volume-type customers are interested in having one 'get right' type of agreement, a single purchase that takes care of everything all at once," said Hartje.

Microsoft has recently stepped up efforts to prosecute software pirates and unscrupulous system builders, some of whom use counterfeit certificate of authenticity labels, or COAs, to deceive customers into believing that the illegal software they're buying is genuine.

"There are some system builders that are shipping bogus copies of Windows, and customers are getting caught with bad copies that they can't register, and they get stuck," said Scott Braden, senior Microsoft analyst at Miro Consulting, a Fords, N.J.-based firm that specializes in Microsoft licensing.

Kevin Baylor, principal at Aequus IT, a solution provider in Bradenton, Fla., sees the GGWA as a step in the right direction, but not necessarily one that will make much of an impact on the software piracy situation.

"I definitely think the program will be helpful, especially for small businesses, which are generally happy to comply with licensing. But while Microsoft is on the right track in fighting software piracy, I don't feel it will completely negate its effects," Baylor said.

As with Microsoft's other volume licensing programs, pricing is set by the channel. One Microsoft partner who asked not to be named estimated the cost of legalizing a single copy of Windows XP Professional at $200, with the cost of fixing 10 machines running around $1,200.

"From a customer perspective, they're going to be upset because they'll have to spend a significant amount of money. But this does give them a way out," Braden said.

Some of Microsoft's antipiracy efforts have angered users. In August, Microsoft fixed a glitch with the validation scheme for Windows XP and Vista that was flagging legitimate versions of the OS as pirated ones. Microsoft subsequently said the problem was due to human error.

It Happens to the Most Expert and the Most Careful

I have been in the computer business for more years than most of you readers have been alive. In fact, I started JFSI more years ago than most of my readers have even thought of using computers. But on Saturday, the nightmare of nightmares hit and hit hard.

We got our first (of many) client notification about 7AM on Saturday. The calls and emails were simple -- ''Out web site is not available. Any idea why?"

Our web servers are located in a building across town from our primary office; so we jumped in the SUV and drove over and immediately KNEW exactly what happened. When we walked into the server room we heard a terrible whining sound coming from our primary web server. At that time we knew that we had a hard disk crash.

That would not have been a major problem in most instances because we did a full backup at midnight. For most web developers, this would have been a non-event. A matter of simply

• Removing the failed hard drive and replacing it with an in-house spare
• Reformatting the new hard drive
• Reloading the system image from the backup last night.

We did all that; but then we entered the beautiful "real world". Remember, our database back ends are the major differentiator between our sites and those of the competition. Once we got the server back up, we had to locate and reapply all all updates to all the databases affected since the backup. That sounds easy; but the major issue is to ensure that updates don't get affected by transactions that may be occurring in real time.

That being the case, a few web sites were down -- at least for updates -- for several hours. We're looking at ways to prevent anything like this from happening in the future. It was too traumatic an event to have it happen every weekend.

We're now in a more secure and more redundant environment for those sites hosted in house. We've also moved a few sites previously hosted in house to a server at a major ISP -- with guaranteed redundancy, RAID and large staffs.

Microsoft Plans To Discontinue Support for XP

It's fairly common knowledge that Microsoft is currently planning to discontinue supporting Windows XP in June of 2008 even though displeasure with Vista is currently at an all-time high. I don't have a lot of specifics at this point; but stay tuned here and to the NEWS page on the company web site. I will try to keep you informed via those two sources.

JFSI Announces Two Web Site Revisions

We are extremely proud to announce the completed revisions of web sites for two of our clients -- John C. Pegg Auction and Appraisal Services and The Shepherds Center of Kernersville.

Pegg Auction and Appraisal Serviceis the Triad's premier provider of auctions services. Over the years, scores of people and companies have placed confidence in John Pegg's ability to transform goods and property into cash as an alternative to traditional sales techniques.

The Shepherds Center of Kernersville is an organization dedicated to providing much needed services and companionship to elderly and disabled citizens of the Triad. Whether a patron of The Shepherds Center needs a ride to the doctor or someone to come by and chat, the organization is there to held.

We encourage visitors to this site to visit either or both of these sites often.

In Case Your System Rebooted Overnight

It's likely that when you first faced your computer early this morning that you noticed that it had rebooted overnight. In case you were wondering, the reboot was due to Microsoft fixing a password vulnerability. The following article describes this vulnerability in more detail.

Researchers: Microsoft to patch Windows password flaw

IDG News Service 1/8/08

Robert McMillan, IDG News Service, San Francisco Bureau

Microsoft will patch a flaw in the Windows operating system Tuesday that could give attackers access to passwords on a victim's system, according to security vendor SkyRecon Systems.

"During our ongoing research into the Windows LPC (Local Procedure Call) interface, we found an important vulnerability which could be used to gain elevated privilege and then execute code in the LSASS process," SkyRecon said in a statement e-mailed to IDG News.

The flaw will be patched in Microsoft's upcoming set of security patches, set to be released around 11 a.m. Pacific time Tuesday, the company said.

The LSASS (Local Security Authority Subsystem Service) process is used by Windows to manage account credentials in Windows. A LSASS bug was famously exploited by the Sasser worm in 2004, but this latest flaw appears to be far less serious.

That's because, unlike the Sasser vulnerability, this bug does not allow a remote attacker to run unauthorized software on a victim's computer. "If the vulnerability is exploited, there is a potential for saved passwords to be accessed by users that did not originally posses the proper credentials to access this sensitive information," SkyRecon said.

The flaw affects Windows 2000, XP and 2003 Server operating systems, and was reported to Microsoft in the last few months, according to SkyRecon, a security software vendor based in Paris.

Microsoft's public relations agency declined to comment on SkyRecon's alert, but last Thursday the software giant said that it planned to patch an important "local elevation of privilege" flaw that affected these three versions of Windows.

Because an attacker would first need to have a way of running software on the victim's system, the vulnerability is "semi-serious," said Eric Schultze, chief technology officer with Shavlik Technologies. "Let's say you are hosting your Web site at an ISP and that ISP keeps many Web sites on that same server," he said via instant message. "If you can do that, you can upload the exploit, then run it via your Web server... and then access passwords that you shouldn't be allowed to access."

Microsoft hasn't said much about the other security update it expects to release tomorrow, except to say that it is a critical bug-fix for Windows Vista and XP users because the vulnerability it fixes could be used by attackers to install unauthorized software on a victim's computer. This update is rated important for Windows Server 2003 users and considered moderate for Windows 2000.

In December, SkyRecon was credited with discovering another elevation of privilege flaw, this one in Windows Vista, that was fixed in Microsoft's last set of security updates.

Bob McMillan is Senior writer for the IDG News Service.

All You Wanted To Know About Your PC But Were Afraid To Ask

D o you ever wonder about what's installed on your PC? Which Windows Hotfixes are installed? What your network looks like?

There's a little known command in Windows that should be named "all you wanted to know about your PC but were afraid to ask?" It's the SYSTEMINFO command – a tool that's easy to use, very informative, requires little advanced knowledge and is FREE.

If you've ever wondered about how your machine is configured, what you IP address is, which components are installed and when they were built, this command is for you.

• Using SYSTEMINFO is a piece of cake.
  
• Click START
  
• Click RUN
  
• Type CMD
  
• Type Systeminfo at the cursor's location in the DOS window
  
• Wait a few seconds for the results.
  

Try it! You'll find it very informative.

Advice to employees on the proper use of the System Administrator's valuable time

(In following examples, we will substitute the name "Ted" as the System Administrator)

• Make sure to save all your MP3 files on your network drive. No sense in wasting valuable space on your local drive! Plus, Ted loves browsing through 100+ GB of music files while he backs up the servers.
  
• Play with all the wires you can find. If you can't find enough, open something up to expose them. After you have finished, and nothing works anymore, put it all back together and call Ted. Deny that you touched anything and that it was working perfectly only five minutes ago. Ted just loves a good mystery. For added effect you can keep looking over his shoulder and ask what each wire is for.
  
• Never write down error messages. Just click OK, or restart your computer. Ted likes to guess what the error message was.
  
• When talking about your computer, use terms like "Thingy" and "Big Connector."
  
• If you get an EXE file in an email attachment, open it immediately. Ted likes to make sure the anti-virus software is working properly.
  
• When Ted says he coming right over, log out and go for coffee. It's no problem for him to remember your password.
  
• When you call Ted to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under a year-old pile of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, unpaid bills, bowling trophies and Popsicle sticks. Ted doesn't have a life, and he finds it deeply moving to catch a glimpse of yours.
  
• When Ted sends you an email marked as "Highly Important" or "Action Required", delete it at once. He's probably just testing some new-fangled email software.
  
• When Ted's eating lunch at his desk or in the lunchroom, walk right in, grab a few of his fries, then spill your guts and expect him to respond immediately. Ted lives to serve, and he's always ready to think about fixing computers, especially yours.
  
• When Ted's at the water cooler or outside taking a breath of fresh air, find him and ask him a computer question. The only reason he takes breaks at all is to ferret out all those employees who don't have email or a telephone.
  
• Send urgent email ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
  
• When the photocopier doesn't work, call Ted. There's electronics in it, so it should be right up his alley.
  
• When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at your home computer, call Ted. He enjoys fixing telephone problems from remote locations. Especially on weekends.
  
• When something goes wrong with your home PC, dump it on Ted's chair the next morning with no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. Ted just loves a good mystery.
  
• When you have Ted on the phone walking you through changing a setting on your PC, read the newspaper. Ted doesn't actually mean for you to DO anything. He just loves to hear himself talk.
  
• When your company offers training on an upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother to sign up. Ted will be there to hold your hand when the time comes.
  
• When the printer won't print, re-send the job 20 times in rapid succession. That should do the trick.
  
• When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all the printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.
  
• Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.
  
• Don't read the operator's manual. Manuals are for wussies.
  
• If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to demonstrate your fledgling expertise by updating the network drivers for you and all your co-workers. Ted will be grateful for the overtime when he has to stay until 2:30am fixing all of them.
  
• When Ted's fixing your computer at a quarter past one, eat your Whopper with cheese in his face. He functions better when he's slightly dizzy from hunger.
  
• When Ted asks you whether you've installed any new software on your computer, LIE. It's no one else's business what you've got on your computer.
  
• If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the monitor and stuff the cable under it. Those skinny Mouse cables were designed to have 55 lbs. of computer monitor crushing them.
  
• If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame Ted for not upgrading it sooner. Hell, it's not your fault there's a half pound of pizza crust crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of Mountain Dew under the keys.
  
• When you get the message saying "Are you sure?", click the "Yes" button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?
  
• Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that boneheaded computer crap." It never bothers Ted to hear his area of professional expertise referred to as boneheaded crap.
  
• Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. God forbid somebody else should sneak a one-page job in between your 500-page Word document.
  
• When you send that 500-page document to the printer, don't bother to check if the printer has enough paper. That's Ted's job.
  
• When Ted calls you 30 minutes later and tells you that the printer printed 24 pages of your 500-page document before it ran out of paper, and there are now nine other jobs in the queue behind yours, ask him why he didn't bother to add more paper.
  
• When you receive a 130 MB movie file, send it to everyone as a high-priority mail attachment. Ted's provided plenty of disk space and processor capacity on the new mail server for just those kinds of important things.
  
• When you bump into Ted in the grocery store on a Sunday afternoon, ask him computer questions. He works 24/7, and is always thinking about computers, even when he's at super-market buying toilet paper and doggie treats.
  
• If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. Ted will be there for you when your son's illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes the Access database keel over and die.
  
• When you bring Ted your own "no-name" brand PC to repair for free at the office, tell him how urgently he needs to fix it so you can get back to playing EverQuest. He'll get on it right away, because everyone knows he doesn't do anything all day except surf the Internet.
  
• Don't ever thank Ted. He loves fixing everything AND getting paid for it!
  
• (send additional suggestions)